i need california.

I'm so sick of this cold weather. especially since it's not snowing anymore, so it's just ugly. it seems like winter will never be over. i want to be able to wear sandals again. i want to drive down the PCH. and drive in jeeps with the top off with my best friend. i want to go to parties and blast music with my friends. i want to actually do something on the weekends instead of sitting on my bed all day. if i was in California, i wouldn't ever be bored. or if i was, at least i could do something about it. at least i would have friends i could hang out with. and there's so many places i can go to and things i can do in California. not here. I'm stuck in the house 24/7. the only reason why i actually get dressed everyday is so i can pick up Holden from school. nothing else. my. life. is miserable. here. i want California sooooo bad. i want my friends. i want a life. i want my life back.
there's so much we can do here, but we never will. i mean, new york is AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY. how many times have we been there? once. for one day. downtown Philly is less than 30 minutes away. i want to spend so much time there just seeing and discovering what's there. cuz i know there's so much. I'm coming home in 3 months and i don't think I'm going to be able to go to all of the places that i dreamed of going to before i came here in august. I'm gonna miss out on so much, and this might be my only chance to do it. but i guess they're just not into spending the day downtown and just seeing what there is to see. and if me and Carrie go to new york, or ANYWHERE she never wants to stay for a long time because she's worried about Steven getting mad or something. they should just let me go by myself. ugh.
Steven says that his goal is to get me to want to stay out here forever. well i wouldn't mind living out here longer, but just like, by myself. or with friends. and if i had a job in the city or in new york. but living with them? never. again.
so, i don't know if that's him reaching his goal or not....

but right now, i just want to see mountains and the beach and palm trees and grass and people who actually care about how they look when they go outside. HA ya our town is so white trash. i just want California so bad. i miss everything about it.